Friday, December 23, 2005

Your Dignity Sir

Dignity, and a proper way of life which shows who you are, is what we have forgotten in the pop world of 21st centuary. And here I'm not really asking everyone to be gentlmen and ladies. But I would suggest here that we shall look for them inside of us.
My grandma once told me she thought of training me to a little gentleman when I was young; I never fell in this category. Partly it was because of chinese culture in which I grew up; it doesn't have an image of a gentlemen as western stories tell, but certainly gentleness is defined in another form. We all have read those stories, in which a gentleman, such as zoro or Robin Hood or one of the maskteers, fought for his dignity and took his responsibility. And of course, nevertheless we've seen those posh gentlemanish figures who proceed a fake gentleness, a fake sophisticated hypocrite. Many of us therefore think of a gentlman some cream-faced guy who cares too much about details of daily life. In my opinion a real gentleman carries a spirit of seriously pursuing his dream, carring a great responsibilitiy of what he is doing, and loving the world that he is living in. That would lead to a proper manner, which can't be faked.
Recently I've found, actually so recent that after readingh a novel and watching a zoro movie tonight, that myself went away from my gentleman standard during the past half year. Maybe I was too acquainted by the TV shows and this Americanish laid-back attitude (i.e. yo duude wssup? nah, chillin). I begin to think of what I've lost in my life that could result in a change of my view of the world. And thought about this dignity notion.
There are many hardships in ones life especially ones who have dreams. Dreams, or your ideal, would be your destiny, and your curse, in the pursue of which. I'm sure that there will be loads of obstacles that lay in front of me on my road of pursuing my dreams. In these two and half years in America I was used to them and somehow stupefied by them. They irritated me, even as little as losing a point or two could irritate me. Should tell myself that take the resposibility and no complians, if I've chosen the road I'm going through.
Your dignity sir, Pick it up!

Thursday, December 22, 2005

Passion

I've been searching for my passion. Not that I;ve lost it or never had it. I have it, but it's just hiding too deep inside of me which made me could not make a use of it in my actions. The environment, daily routines do stupefy our feelings. Today I just woke up in the middle of the night thinking what have I done in binghamton. there was none that I feel satisfied. But this time in the middle of the night is the time I can be with my truely self: stripped down all my masks which I wear to deal with the daily routines, some of which are rotten.

Getting to know and reevaluate youself is not easy. I do trasure this moment. I thought of China, and the reason I came to america, and what my ideals are, and how to pursue my ideals step by step.. Meanwhile I was talk with several close friends who supported me all the way through. After those rejections of college entrance and a sort-of-fantasy love at the end of last semster I lost all my confidence which I buildt up from scratch these two years in america, and lost the direction of life. Now I realized accpeting what happend inthe past and have a smile to it, thinking those are the experiences one has to go through to become stronger is the right attitude and it will work. Good luck to myself. I need to show more of my true self in daily life now.

some comments about china again

强〃自由 says:
你是?
STRIKE! says:
mayifan
强〃自由 says:

STRIKE! says:
haha
STRIKE! says:
你怎么样

踩花大魔王 has been added to the conversation.

强〃自由 says:

我啊? 还那样啊!~
强〃自由 says:
你呢?
踩花大魔王 says:

STRIKE! says:
我是半夜醒来
踩花大魔王 says:
我跟老马正在说他们那的大游行呢
强〃自由 says:
呵呵 好样的
STRIKE! says:
什么大游行
踩花大魔王 says:
到底在抗议什么?
踩花大魔王 says:
罢工
STRIKE! says:

踩花大魔王 says:
大罢工
STRIKE! says:
他们觉得给的钱太少了
强〃自由 says:
多少算多啊
STRIKE! says:
交通局上层可能也有一点贪
STRIKE! says:
地铁也一直涨价
踩花大魔王 says:
我想问个问题
STRIKE! says:
我们呢,就没有地铁作了
STRIKE! says:
什么问题
踩花大魔王 says:
如果你们的父母是军官,或者什么官员的
踩花大魔王 says:
反正你们家里买东西可以去单位报销的
踩花大魔王 says:
你们会真的买什么都去报销吗?
STRIKE! says:
道德问题
STRIKE! says:
什么是道德
踩花大魔王 says:
我的朋友, 就是这样
STRIKE! says:
我的话在报销之前我会考虑的
强〃自由 says:
呵呵
踩花大魔王 says:
着就是我不喜欢政府的地方
踩花大魔王 says:
给人们太多机会犯错误了
强〃自由 says:
好象哪个国家都这样的
STRIKE! says:
权力分配
踩花大魔王 says:
觉悟低不是什么大错, 体制不完善才是根源
STRIKE! says:
我比较同意往米的观点
踩花大魔王 says:
只要是军队里的车,就哪里都能停
STRIKE! says:
我在广州的时候
STRIKE! says:
做警车
STRIKE! says:
挂上警铃之后可以逆行
踩花大魔王 says:
自己配衣服买的很贵的包,开个礼品的发票就能报销
踩花大魔王 says:
纳税人的钱
踩花大魔王 says:
建设落后地区的钱
强〃自由 says:
我的!~!~5555555
踩花大魔王 says:
扶贫的钱
STRIKE! says:
中国不是税务国家
踩花大魔王 says:
哈哈
STRIKE! says:
而且税务局的人都谈
强〃自由 says:
呵呵
踩花大魔王 says:
很让人失望
强〃自由 says:
在中国让人失望的更多
踩花大魔王 says:
我很好的朋友是这样,感觉就在身边,不对的事发生的太普遍了
踩花大魔王 says:
我说的就是中国嘛
强〃自由 says:
哦哦
踩花大魔王 says:
澳洲不好就不好了...呵呵..
STRIKE! says:
澳洲有澳洲的问题
STRIKE! says:
美国问题更大
踩花大魔王 says:
澳洲现在的种族问题也被提起来了
STRIKE! says:
澳洲好像还没给土著人公民权
踩花大魔王 says:
他们啊,可凶了
踩花大魔王 says:
大多数很凶
STRIKE! says:
不说别人了
踩花大魔王 says:
土著人男的都去打橄榄球了
STRIKE! says:
就说中国人把
STRIKE! says:
咱们都是中国人
踩花大魔王 says:
中国人啊,哎
STRIKE! says:
那中国人有什么缺点呢
踩花大魔王 says:
中国人挺好的,
STRIKE! says:
凶?不凶,有时候还窝囊
强〃自由 says:
太能生了 所以导致哪都不好了
踩花大魔王 says:
我觉得问题都是因为制度不好
STRIKE! says:
聪明,
STRIKE! says:
但是不老往正道上涌
踩花大魔王 says:
就像一个人不能变成好人,是因为环境
强〃自由 says:
这就是人多力量大?
STRIKE! says:
环境确实起作用
踩花大魔王 says:
中国人老是丢人,是因为社会制度
踩花大魔王 says:
每个人生出来都是一样的性格--没有性格?--看他们处于什么社会里
STRIKE! says:
我想换环境
踩花大魔王 says:
所以说
踩花大魔王 says:
不爱政府,并不是不爱中国
踩花大魔王 says:
我不爱中国政府
踩花大魔王 says:
因为我爱中国
STRIKE! says:
我爱世界
STRIKE! says:
爱国
STRIKE! says:
爱家
STRIKE! says:
爱天下
踩花大魔王 says:
以前我觉得
踩花大魔王 says:
改变国籍的人是卖国贼
强〃自由 says:
呵呵 爱的心好多
STRIKE! says:
不能说,你家就是老大,谁都得听你家的
踩花大魔王 says:
现在理解他们了
STRIKE! says:
虽然你爱家
STRIKE! says:
中国人是太软弱了么〉
STRIKE! says:
我不知道
踩花大魔王 says:

踩花大魔王 says:
中庸?
STRIKE! says:
我过我要给世界作出个样子
强〃自由 says:
是太顾自己了 共产主义的问题
踩花大魔王 says:
据说中国文化起源于中庸
STRIKE! says:
中庸是协调
STRIKE! says:
harmony
踩花大魔王 says:
我老是觉得,没有多党竞争,怎么会有公正廉洁呢
STRIKE! says:
西方时期略,竞争
强〃自由 says:
对对
STRIKE! says:
我们看得很清楚
STRIKE! says:
没有公正廉洁
STRIKE! says:
中国帝制几千年了
STRIKE! says:
外国还有个上帝在上面带着
STRIKE! says:
中国没有
踩花大魔王 says:
玉皇大帝
踩花大魔王 says:
如来佛祖
STRIKE! says:
嗬嗬,现在谈中国的问题,挺有意思的, I feeling like accomplishing things
踩花大魔王 says:
八十一罗汉,天兵天将
STRIKE! says:
at least doing things
踩花大魔王 says:
不比外国的多吗
踩花大魔王 says:
18罗汉
STRIKE! says:
观世音菩萨都因为跟某皇上前辈重名结果改名了
STRIKE! says:
还是皇上厉害
踩花大魔王 says:
呵呵
STRIKE! says:
所以王弭我们在国外就要以我做凄然别人看到中华文化
STRIKE! says:
之后学贯中西
STRIKE! says:
创出一番事业
STRIKE! says:
可能对中国自身也是有启发的
踩花大魔王 says:
王弭大声说了句"等好儿吧您哪"
STRIKE! says:
等好儿吧把您内!
STRIKE! says:
我还在反思自己呢
踩花大魔王 says:
反思什么呀
STRIKE! says:
东西文化也对我的反思有帮助
STRIKE! says:
我想找回我的激情
STRIKE! says:
生活的激情
STRIKE! says:
追求理想的激情

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Back home

Haven't being updating my blig for a while. It was final week I was all too busy; but never did I stop writing. I have my papers done: 8 pages of english and 18 pages of philosophy. Well, home swtte home, queens new york has never changed. It brings me some good old memories and blues. Recently we the residents of new york was frustrated by the might-be-comming trasportation worker's strike. Till now it didn't bring up the final solution yet. Will keep watching.
so long

Friday, December 09, 2005

Existentialism is humanism -- Jean-Paul Satre

Anyway the content odf this entry has nothing to do with th title. They required a title, well I'll just put something random for fun. Here i am, drowsy but spirited up after a cup of quite concentrated green tea, sitting in computer lab planning for tonight's cramming. I have to finsh the draft for phiilosophy paper and the english final paper tonight, along with a shot of masteringphysics.com assignment which would probably took me 4-5 hours. Oh yea, math number system, "I need to study that so that get an A!" how naive, which, sigh, is unfortunately the truth. prepared? I have virginia woolf in my backpack, my new club's proposal on my desk, masteringphysics on the screen and rashomon somewhere still remain in my mind. Shall thy might storm come; come more vehemently!

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

Preparation of the essay

whew, it's gonna be tough. 6-9 pages my good lord! Whenever thinknig about the crazy assignments I've done in beijing I guess, comparatively, it should be an easy case if to write 6-9 pages. I'm getting lazier as I'm in america, the country usually associate with laziness(no offense to american people, it's just generalization, like other steoreotypes). Well, it's the time to plan for the essay and hopefully it will be done in 3 hours.

First of all I need a theme, I've already chosen " social appreciation" as the theme, namely I need to write how other's judgements vare effected on the developement of our literacy history and using some deductive reasoning to elaborate the whole thing. At the end I'll probably say somethingh as to try your best to disregard other's ppl opinion and to build up your confidence by thinknig and achieving your own goal. aight, let's do it.

Paper 4 description

Paper#4, English 115, Binghamton University

Your final paper for this course gives you the opportunity to use a literacy theme to revisit and revise your literacy history.
We have seen many writers use themes to explore their lives as literate human beings. Steinback writes to herself to explore the theme of travel in her literacy history, Faber uses his experiences as an afrikan American student and teacher to explore the education in America, Rodrigues uses the theme of a bilingual family history to explore his relationship to reading and writing, Woolf uses the theme of money and space to exlore how the history of ideas about womrn affect her life and the lives of other women writers. The important thing to remember as your individual literacy autobiography in a significant way by drawung on course material and activities and 2) crreat strong points of significance.

This paper should be 6-9 pages long; it counts for 30% of oyur final course grade.
Your visual can be placed anywhere; it will be evaluated for its effectiveness in relation to your paper and will be givien a seperate grade. That grade will go toward the orla presentation portion of your course grade.

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

decembre 6 evening at 10

well you have to write a title. That's for the convenience of other people when they want to trace back to a certain piece of your work. You'll just have to say: well, I mentioned so and so it's in my essay "how to fall in love with a mermaid" or stuff like that. All fictional btw, rhetoric situation. That's the thing of nominalism. It's for the convinience of categorization and finding things as what I just mentioned. I realize it is going to be a bad thing if we abuse it. A funny example would be in one of the south park episode (honestly I don't like south park it's satirical but it's over done), in which the mayor said that he will grant all the right to homosexual couples but they cannt be called couple, instead of which they are called "butt buddies". Naively people think chaning the name would change the essence but oftenly it's just not true. We I have some athestic notations here too: people name everying in the world that is unknown to ourself...that three letter word whcih I'm not going to display it here but it rhymes with Todd.

It's hard to write in my dorm, a lot of disruptions. ciao for now

Existential

so what is existentialism? People who beleive in authority would now condemn my willing of interpreting it myself. fine, let's look at what the authority said. Jean-Paul Satre gave this name existentialism to the world and included the theories of Nietzsche, Kirkegaard, Camus and other philosophers who share the same believe on "existential". This word is still hard to define, according to Satre it means we value the existence of ourself--the human as oppose to god, thusly he concluded existentialism is humanism. but not quite, It would became atheism after his definition. The then said existence preceeds essence. hmm, interesting, but what is it?

Do you have a clue? the people who believe in authority? Since the authority didn't give out a clear view of the "essence of existential", well, I'll then interpret it myself. Many morndern things are like that, you, the audience, have to put your own interpretation in the process of getting to know the thing. For example many arts. I just drew a line, preferably beautifully curved and shaped, then name my piece "existentialism". We if I am ever fortunate enough to be sort of an autority ppl would think in front of this curved and well shaped line:"interesting, I don't understand it, but what is it? He must be a master, which is beyound my ability of interpretation....hmmmm.... I like it." Well, enough. Here's my interpretation: that I think there's not only a single interpretation existentialism. It is concluded as completely subjectivity and value the existence over the meaning of a thing. This computer, why is it here? is god's power? nah, it's just there.

Daoism has some of the similairties as to existentialism. I think this thing, which had been developed for thousands of years has a better system as to existentialism, which is just a new born baby. Daoism has some negative influence as it praises wu wei--- not doing.............well, voila, time is running out. I gotta go, will bullshitting again after today's class.

Social Appreciation I

A couple of things to say: Confidence is important it can change the sky color of Binghamton from dark gray to gray to blue; and social appreciation is important in the building of your confidence. Music has been a good mood buffer in my life and I gained some of the confidence back today by listening a series of inspirational and vehement music. My confidence, which was just built up, once again destroyed shortly after the english class when my paper grade is back. Once in a while I just want to cry out: hey, shut up your cake hole, I'm writing in my second language and you prolly don't know crap about a second language! It wasn't my fault to put myself in this situation. Obviously I can enjoy my joyful life back home and get good grades on all the papers. But well yea I've chosen this road toward my future myself, complains denied. this shades a light onto the social appreciation thing (once upon a time a TA seveerely critisized the phrase "social appreciation", marked it awkward). We are humans, so we judge things. We will, either consciously or subconsciously, look down upon the things that is being done poorly and praise for good works. I used to have this mindset in pursuing of success. But now as my situation changed I found out I was placed in the "bad" category. I ain't no loser! man, give me a break! as I yelled I found myself in the mindset of "A Q" a chinese fictional character who obtained the ability to "success spiritually" but never suceed in real life. Yes it turns out to be a rather complicated question on what is good or bad. There are always people on top of you and meanwhile people below you. Hedonists and stuck-up lads see the people in the lower; pessimists see the people above them; existentialists don't give a crap. haha, what then, is about me? Where can I acquire my motivation from?

Good thoguhts, keep working on it. Humans are zoon politikon, we need to share every bits of thoghut to friends, that's the reason of this blog. I would definitely gain my confidence from friends. There will be a short presentation on existentialism and daoism in above and hour and a half. I'm going to prepare a little bit for it. It's short, so I can't say a lot.

Thursday, December 01, 2005

Some chinese writing

quoted from 31d, another blog I contribute with other friends of mine in china. It's rather private. Well, speaking bout language, it's functioning as a filter right here. so to speak I would Like people who knew this language to read my entry.

et voila

星期三, 十一月 30, 2005

New Update
昨天说回到宿舍要给大家用中文写,但是一直没回去,一天就泡在图书馆里了。是星期一晚上出的事,我这个白吃,天哪。见到她之后经过两天的痛苦心里斗争,终于还是感性战胜了理性。我一直在告诉自己要冷静要冷静,但我感性的那一半这次是太强大了。周一晚上九点吧,我给她打了电话,之后语无伦次地把那些很重的词抛给她。结果可想而知。理性的我从一开始就知道这回标志着失望与无奈,但感性的我硬要说,失望与无奈算什么,我偏要!好么,偏要就偏要吧,结果自己承担吧。我估计她已经怕我了。打完电话之后呢,语无伦次的,我给我的好朋友们打电话,一通胡说。之后一个人在那个夜黑风大的夜里跑到学校的自然保护区,穿过林子,坐在小池塘的木桥上发呆。灰云乌拉乌拉的从我脑顶上很低的地方飘过,风乌拉乌拉的吹,雨乌拉乌拉得下。

发呆有什么用,事已如此了,没什么剩下的了,连回忆也没有。昨天在图书馆里又看了一天的弗吉尼亚·沃尔夫和科学美国人杂志,想把我的思维找回来。到现在我也不知道我是作对了,还是做错了。有一点我明白了,就是一只以来我认为用手段去“追”,比如说去大门口堵她云云,是不完美的,甚至有可能我认为是不道德的。结果实践证明这比我那个傻了巴叽的什么也不说最后突然一下子吓人一跳的方法要有效不知道多少兆倍。我这样做只会是期待着失望与无奈与病态的困惑和距离之外的感情,还可能会有浪漫小说--那些故事都是写不完美,不成功的,人才会去看,觉得感伤什么的。理性的我早就知道这些,从一开始就知道,一开始就知道这会是不成功的,没有希望的,这才会让我自己卸下什么完美主义与道德的担子,才和她说。

这点东西翻来覆去的写,写了快一个小时了。宣泄一下,没别的办法,我是从来不会哭的。有个朋友,曾经和我经历过差不多的事情(你看看,我老贺这帮人呆在一起,又看什么卡萨布兰卡,歌剧院的幽灵之类的东西,难怪呢),她说到一定的时候你要扣动扳机,哪怕枪口是对准你自己,之后你会死了,之后你会像火凤凰一样重生。我扣了,打中我自己了,半死。没解脱。

但愿会好起来
posted by Myf at 10:57 上午