Sole mio

Six thirty pm, sunshines pierced through my window on time. I moved my chair in to the sunshine's bath. It'll stay for a while, the only period of time during the day.

Notre Musique

What is life and death? what is passion. I don't know, maybe we can interpret them with poems. What is our music? Do we understand it. Do we need to analyse the texts in our everyday life to find out the hidden messages, or say, symbolisms? If so, we are in the competition of being the greatest cypher.

Life is complicated, the interpretations make it more complicated. Appreciate the complexity or denying the entropy. I think most of people will not look at these two little paragraphs because it's too making-believe profound. Is there hidden messages or is there just flow of thought. je ne sais pas.

Insomniac

Obviously it's 3:15 in the morning; and obviously I know clearly, from the deep down of my heart, that I have amy classes starting at 8:30 and if I don't go to sleep right away I'll be feeling like a zombie for the entire day tomorrow. I don't know, I don't feel like napping. Napping is the worst I can expect, due to the fact that I couldn't easily get myself up from those naps, so in general naps will eventually become extended sleep.

I don't know who my loyal audience is, but I assume several friends of mine will read it...I hope. I don't really want to keep this blog as a diary full of dullness (all I can think of for a diary is: today I woke up, then, ate, the did something...omg I don't like this that, I like that this, now sleep) at leat, if it has to be in the diary form, I want my diaries carrying some message, either inspiring or whatnot. well my diary for today:

In the past week I was a little bit stressed from exams and club and transfering application. The exam went well, I'll get my score 5 hours later. (omg I have to sleep!) The club went well, I gave a certain speech in a certain occation and drawn 18 new members. Personally I think the speech was terrible but I got some good feedbacks. Well, can't complain that much ey? I went to two other meetings: rainbow pride(LGBT) and MSA(Muslim). Yes I belong to neither of these groups but it was quite interesting to hear their points of view. I got two "cultural shock" when rainbow pride talked so openly about sex and MSA tried hard to repress even thinking of lust. The main point here is, I want ppl to think: "I don't care if you live a life like mine or not, but I find your life interesting. Let's be friends, it's cool!" Movies. yep I wached brokeback mountain. I think it was a great one, very moving, I almost couldn't hold my sentiment. The southern accent is what I couldn't make out of. En plue it's a little bit slow. Second one, Casanova. About a playboy fell in love in medieval Venice.It's a "normal" movie you don't think too hard before, during and after the movie, unless most of the movie I watched. I think the venecian life is just like that, happy joyous and fabulous.

ok, once again my soul is screaming to my spirit: Dude, go get some sleep! aight, I'm off. will write later. hope fully not 10 minutes later.

La Lutte

There was a bottle of poland spring by my side..to be precise on my right hand side. My small desk light was by my left hand side. My head was rested on my elbow. Straing at the screen, what did I see? I saw the editing frame, which was empty..and which is not empty anymore.

There was a prisoner in the spanish island of Ibiza. He was inprisoned in a dark chambre, without light or sound. He screamed to himself everyday at the very beginning of his incarseration. Feeling helpless, he gradually stopped screaming or knocking on the wall or any "unnecessary" act which turned out just a wasting of energy. It was cozy in the cell despite the isolation, since he was once an important figure. People wouldn't do harm on him. He can get a decent meal every once in a while, the menu repeated itself everytime.As time goes by, day by day night by night, it became just an elapse of time, no day no night. Thinking? no, he wouldn't do so since there was no point. All are kept invariant. "I'm getting old" one day he told himself. Was he said it or just thought of it? He forgot, he never knew. Then, the dullness continued.

He saw the light, then he closed the eyes. The dullness continued.

The light? The dullness continued.

The light?! Where, where are my eyes?
My vison, My world!
My life.

The dullness continued.

Because he had been slept for so long, so long that he forgot how long, he even forgot if he was sleeping.

Wake up! his inner soul told him.

No response.

"ting" ...a sound

He recognized it. Wake up, Wake me up!I need to Wake up! I've been sleeping for so long, so long that I forgot for how long, so long that I forgot even if I was asleep. But I know I am sleeping now. I know it. I need to wak up! No dullness anymore, it' time to come back!

My eye lids opened. I see a beam of light pass through the wall in front of me. it was just a small beam. Wait, what is it? the sound. no, the explosion! is it the explosion? Yes it is, as what I've been through in the battlefield! Can I move? All my feelings were concentrated on the tip of my finger. My finger, I'm searching for my finger, they sohuld be there all the way down from my arms. Nothing... do I have my fingers? or should I ask do I still have feeling?

I do have feeling, I think therefore I am. Thinknig is the only prove of my existence so far. But I am exist. I am someone. I feel my finger. I wonder about the days I can sing and dance. Can I speak? Say.. say something. There is a weird feeling in my throat, as I'm trying to make a sound. Curiocity. I want to know what's happening out there. My world is only a beam of light. I want more!

I raised my arms. yes, I raised them. I let them touch my face. I have beard, my beard is long. I feel them. I crawl towards the dot where the light comes from. It became bigger and bigger, after all filled my left eye. Blue...Is it sky? Gray, are they dusts?

I AM HERE!!!!!!!! I finally YELLED.

....

That was the last moment I rememberd. Now I'm in the hospital. Still too weak to make more motions. It's all white. I like it in contract to my black days. I need to recover here. I need to reaccpeting the world around me. I need to go back to my fighting my work my mission my destiny. Because I am awake, now. I can feel the corner of my lips raising. once again.

I'm feeling thirsty. Where is my Poland Spring?